Back in 2022, I didn’t know what was going on with me. In the spring and summer, I made numerous trips to the emergency because I began to feel tingling on the left side of my face. It would last for a few hours and then go away for a while.
To rule out some more concerning conditions that have these symptoms, I went through a variety of tests. I had several tests for stroke, then epilepsy (a condition a close family member lives with), and was sent to the MS Clinic in Toronto.
What added to my stress, which seemed to grow at an exponential rate, was the fear that my life as I knew it, was ending. I had been already been diagnosed with Cervical Dystonia in 2021, so these new symptoms were particularly worrisome.
As more symptoms popped up, I continued to feel like I was in the dark because I had no diagnosis. My muscles felt like they had been targeted because it felt like they weren’t sure what to do.
Many evenings were devoted to stretching because my muscles felt so restless. And as odd as this sounds, they felt like they were “crawling.”
Stretching wasn’t enough to take care of my body, so I began to move more. Walking began to be part of my daily routine, and I found it helped quite a bit. When the temperature dropped to -30C or lower, I’d bundle up in so many layers that I looked like this kid:
Movement helped me feel like I had some ounce of control over whatever was happening, which I was so grateful for. I knew I needed more help, so I reached out to Sullivan & Associates to see if I could work with a therapist to help me through this time in my life. I’ll forever be grateful that I did.
You wouldn’t think that learning to breathe would help so much, but it really does. That, along with grounding techniques and CBT, can change the way your body behaves while you begin to sort through wayward thoughts and emotions.
My family were incredibly supportive but we all felt lost. How do you fix something if you don’t know what it is?
One day, my husband called me and told me that he was listening to a show on CBC radio and that I needed to see if I could find it online:
The possibility of perimenopause hadn’t crossed my mind but based on what Dr. Goldman discussed, I knew I had some research to do.
You’d think that research would lead me to plenty of journals and articles online, but it didn’t. It did lead me to Dr. Mary Claire Haver:
I wish I had found her sooner, but I can say with certainty that it was better late than never. In this post, she is sharing the work of Doctor Lisa Mosconi, whose work focuses on the extreme changes that women’s brains go through during this tumultuous time in our lives.
Thanks to these women and others, such as Doctor Louise Newson , Davina McCall, Doctor Naomi Potter , I began to see that maybe – just maybe – there was hope.
I still have a lot to learn. I still have a long way to go.
But I’m better than I was.
This is a work in progress – literally and figuratively. I began this artwork while I was in the midst of the scariest period of my life. When I didn’t know what was happening, but I needed to do something. So I made art.
It will change as I do, but I wanted to share it with you in case it helps somebody that might be facing similar struggles. Because that’s what we’re here to do, right? We might as well help each other along.
It may not be one of my prettiest artworks, but it means so much to me.
If you are going through perimenopause, menopause or if you are post-menopausal, feel free to share anything that has helped you. Maybe your advice can make a difference for someone else.
xo
Colleen's Studio 